Parenting Mistake #2 - Kids Rule the Home

Children are a common fruit of a marriage relationship, yet the focus can swing over to them so quickly and naturally that you may not even see the problem for a long time.

Kids are not the only important priority that can take the top spot in the home.  Others include Career, hobbies and side hustles, extended family, and getting time with friends.

Whatever the priority, if it gets more important than the marriage relationship, cracks begin to form between husband and wife.

Weak boundaries between parents and kids

No kidding, raising your children is a vital, time-consuming and focus-grabbing responsibility.  Prioritizing kids over the marriage can look like, parents who are overly involved with their kids to the development that one or both of the parents does not pay attention to the other one.

It is easy for parent to slip into a feeling that parents have to constantly provide structure and activities for their kids or they aren't doing a good job.

The Results

While at the start it seems like a parent's whole job is to pour their lives and attention into their children, the result of becoming involved to an unhealthy degree is that the whole family suffers.  

By God's design, the marriage relationship should be the highest priority in the family.  If any other relationship, whether it is inside or outside the home, is placed higher than the marriage, the foundation for the family fails.  

When the dad and mom's relationship is cracked, this puts the kids into a state of anxiety, because, even though the children cannot consciously express this a stable relationship between their parents gives them a sense of "normal."

Another result is that the kids learn very quickly that their every desire will get the attention of his or her parents and end up setting the direction for the family.  This is a terrible position to place the children in because they do not yet have the wisdom, discernment, or proper authority to handle the responsibility for guiding a family.

What to do

In short: Put the kids AFTER each other and your marriage!

Keep first priorities first in your family:
  • Priority #1: God's will and reputation
  • Priority #2: Community wellness
  • Priority #3: Reputation of your marriage
  • Priority #4: Welfare of your marriage
  • Priority #5: Welfare of each other
  • Priority #6: Welfare of your children

  • Discover what your God-given purpose is as parents.
  • Be very clear on the proper relationship between parents and kids.
  • Set boundaries between you and your kids.
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