Marriage Mistake #3 - What's in it for ME?

Seek FIRST to meet your spouse's needs

The Mistake

Seeking first to have your own needs met.
  • Developing strategies to have your own needs met
  • Ignoring and neglecting your spouse's needs (our of ignorance and/or selfishness)
  • Tearing down your spouse with words and actions (wives tend to nag; husbands tend to criticize)
  • Justified self-centeredness - Hurting your spouse, then excusing your behavior based on "special needs" or "special considerations"
  • Blame-shifting (accusing; not taking responsibility)

The Effects

Tremendous frustration and mutual dissatisfaction
  • Constantly competing with each other, both seeking to meet their own needs first.
  • Neither one of you get your needs met.
  • She doesn't feel cherished and cared for as a woman.
  • He doesn't get appreciated and admired as a man.

What to Do

Seek FIRST to meet your spouse's needs

  • Deal with SELF
  • Get over yourself
  • Trust God to meet your needs
  • Learn to communicate in a non-manipulative, non-demanding way


  • Know their needs
  • Learn everything you can about your spouse (personality, sexuality, gender-related needs, extended family, etc.
  • Read books, talk to your spouse, consult experts, etc.
  • Develop and implement strategies to meet their needs
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