Marriage Mistake #6 - If we wait long enough, our problems will take care of themsleves

Not resolving conflict in a timely and appropriate manner.

• Not clearing up the relationship whenever there is hurt or conflict.
• Making the same mistakes over and over because you never learn from them in order to act differently.
• "Faking it til you make it."
  • Acting as if what is true is not true (nothing is wrong) and what is not true is true (everything's okay now).
  • Holding stuff inside out of pride or fear, then blowing up when you finally get angry enough.

Additive effects of not resolving conflicts over time destroy the marriage: The Spin-Out

• Arguments get increasingly worse; more intense, personal, damaging
• Conflict gets increasingly worse until the stability of the marriage is destroyed
• Over time, he checks out; she protects herself

Make it a habit to keep your relationship clear.

• Seek forgiveness quickly when you have offended your spouse.
• Readily forgive when your spouse seeks your forgiveness.

Debrief: Talk about your conflicts and learn from them; determine what needs to change.

• Focus on YOUR part in the conflict, not on your spouse's part.
• Look for patterns in relating that lead to arguments and conflicts.
• Understand what is behind the arguments and conflicts (thinking, feeling, assumptions, attitudes, past experiences, expectations, etc.)
• Commit to changing what needs to change.